Prayer V

God, what am I doin'? I'm so stuck in my ways. I so badly want all the desires of my heart. Why am I so selfish? Why is my heart so focused on everything but you? I'm so tired of this, I'm so tired of the pain and disappointment of this world. Yet I still seek it more than you. I hate it! Even now when I try to focus on you my heart is being given away to earthly thoughts, hopes, and desires. I hate it so freaking much! All I want is this world, but all I need is you. I cant want you on my own, I will always choose to not want you as much as I want sin. So please, please, give me strength though your love and grace to overcome my wicked heart.

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
    who draws strength from mere flesh    and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
    they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
    in a salt land where no one lives.

 “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
    whose confidence is in him.
 They will be like a tree planted by the water
    that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
    its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
    and never fails to bear fruit.”

The heart is deceitful above all things
    and beyond cure.
    Who can understand it?

 “I the Lord search the heart
    and examine the mind,
to reward each person according to their conduct,    according to what their deeds deserve.”

I don't know what the future holds for me. I don't know what Ill be doing, or who will be apart of it. I know what I want, I know what I desire, and its not wrong but putting it above what you might have planed, that's wrong. I'm scared out of my mind that it wont be what I want, it wont be what I think I need. But you are greater than my plans you will not disappoint me. you will bless me with the true desires of my heart the desires that will honer and bless you. It's so hard but I trust you. I know that you will is greater than my own. I will fallow you. Please heal my heart, give me strength in my darkness. I need my King more than ever.


My friends you are in my prayers please keep me in yours. You are so loved!!